I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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