my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
