like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
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When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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