NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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