i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
