She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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