im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you mean i was at the winter classic?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
