My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
