Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
