i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Ladies don't puke and tell
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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