Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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