I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
