Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
