I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
