yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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