just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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