his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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