god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
cat food counts as protein by the way
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
