I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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