"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
