I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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