I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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