it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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