I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
3 2 1 whiskey
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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