I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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