yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
