every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
