well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
