I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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