Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
