I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i think my cat just said my name.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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