Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize