About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize