just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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