I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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