I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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