When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
