this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
