The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
