I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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