Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
