Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
