nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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