the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
