how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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