My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
