seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
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Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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