Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
