D3 body, D1 cock
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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