Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This toilet bowl is my home.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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