he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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