Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
