no, he came in my armpit
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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