Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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