i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What a dumb baby whore.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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