Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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