He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
