I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
