Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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