Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm so fucking centered right now
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
