hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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